Title?! It took me 3 hours to think of a username!

Monday, August 29, 2005

...wet jet

Before anyone asks. The reason I continued to use the terrible device for so long is as follows:

This thing cost me money. They give you a bunch of cleaning pads with the swiffer and several gallons of goop in special plastic bottles that it squirts out when you clean. Now, the cleaning pads run out before the goop. So now I have an expensive cleaning gadget, a bunch of goop in special bottles and no cleaning pads. So to make me feel like I am recouping some of my losses I purchase more pads so I can at least use up the rest of the goop (and the free batteries) before consigning it permanently and exclusively to its most useful role as a telescopic ceiling-bug squisher. Problem now is that the goop has run out, but I bought more pads before it did, so now I am stuck with a bunch of cleaning pads and this stupid stick with a foot on the end. Do I buy more goop so I can finish up the pads? You see, I am trapped for life! The only person who thinks this device is great and would take this crap off my hands, is in South Carolina! Damn!

No time, no time...must dash!

Have been busy today. Professors making us do homework and write computer programs and stuff. One lovely professor has us doing binary arithmetic and base changes by hand. You can only see so many 10001110's before your eyes go funny! Hex is real fun because once you figure out what the equivalent number is (0-15) you then have to decide if it is 0-9 or A-F. Next thing you know they will be expecting me to take tests and stuff! They should be paying me!

Decided to avoid the dance today and find a computer somewhere other than the library. I decided to go to the lab in Middlebush - big mistake! I ended up next to the guy with the plague or SARS or something - the one that hacks and splutters constantly. This dude didn't cough into his hand, but instead had the novel idea of burying his chin inside the neck of his t-shirt. Then at the back was the guy with big hair and even bigger headphones. This bloke looked like he had two trashcan lids strapped to either side of his head! Oh well, at least I did not have to listen to the usual tinny tsh tsh tsh that normally comes out: these headphones transmitted a bit of bass across the room also.

Got another weird person in one of my classes, kept looking around and muttering something about the Tab-key, very disturbing...

Anyway, I am back in the library now, or for some students- the University Doss House. On some days I see more people sleeping in here than working. Maybe it's like the people who sleep through lectures, I often wonder if they take that subliminal learning idea a little too seriously.

Got to work this evening, though I only have to work one more time and this is the last time I have to work till nine! Happy! My current job is not too bad, I just don't like doing boring work when I am tired and hungry. I could be using that time to be doing something fun like binary arithmetic! At least I get to do that on a full stomach...Maybe I should invent a device to do binary arithmetic for me. Hmmm, maybe if I make it out of tiny electrical circuits formed by doping silicon...It would be tiny and process numbers for me....I could name it a microprocessor. I could make millions...

Finally, I heard a rumor that someone I know has been hailing the virtues of a device known as a Swiffer Wet-Jet. I have been conducting (forced) product testing of this device at least once per week for some years now, and have concluded that it sucks. Well, actually, it doesn't suck, that's the problem. It blows might be a better way of describing it. In fact, rather than removing particulate matter from my bathroom floor, I think it initiates some kind of atomic conversion using the vinyl floor and the vacuum energy of space, resulting in the creation of new particulate matter. Said matter coalesces via some kind of mechanism resulting from electromagnetic force into dark blue fluff that can only be removed by placing a hydrated kitchen towel in right hand and holding body parallel to floor, then moving ones hand in a circular motion.

If I have to get on my hands and knees and scrub after I have used a so-called ‘time saving’ device, whereas before I did not, then the device is clearly not time saving! Those things should come with a warning “For use on clean floors only”. Maybe I’m the timesaving device?! Oooh, deep man…!


-Radix

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Vino!

Going to Hermann today to eat lunch, and hopefully drink some wine too. There are some (un)amusing jokes I could have made with wine and whine, but I haven't had my coffee yet, so am lacking inspiration, oh and I am not supposed to mention a certain somebody who unfortunately would have been the perfect subject of my whine/wine jokes.

Interesting thing I found out today: you can get Meet the Press on a podcast, it's on the MSNBC website or something. I watched the show so don't need the podcast (I also have a slow as shit tinternet connection and don't need to be tryin' to download hour-long MP3 tracks). I wonder if they leave the commercials in, you know, those stupid "we're a great company" commercials? The ones that fail to mention that said company is probably exploiting workers and shitting on the planet in general. The Kerr McGee (or whatever they're called) ones annoy me the most. They show some little pipe sticking out of the ground in some Artic scene in order to give the impression they have minimal impact. Bullshit! BP have one too where they act all enviromentally friendly - yeah right! They're the worlds second largest company (not far behind the lovely walmart) and they are responsible for pumping a lot crap in the oceans, skies and probably in our bodies too.

I am not a total hippie or anything, not going to start supporting Nader just yet, I just think that if you are taking a big dump on the planet, don't try and upset me of a Sunday morning by pretending you love all the little (intelligently designed;) critters etc. etc.

Upon that happy note I shall leave you all to what remains of your Sunday.

-Radix

Friday, August 26, 2005

Don't Ask Me for Answers!

Questions and more questions... It's raining. It has been raining a lot. Why do we have a month or two of drought, then a month of excessive rainfall? Why do some students still wear shorts and flip flops and race around as if they're surprised? It has been thundering and pissing it down for several hours before they woke up, and still is. Do people who wear flip-flops know that their footwear makes them walk funny? Do they know for example that some of them look rather akin to a constipated duck? Do they also know that they are lucky to live in the Midwest and that if they were accidentally transported to Manchester in their flippity flops they would run the real risk of being beaten up, or at least abused by people whose accents they couldn't understand! For answers to these and many other of life's questions go here: http://www.google.com/ -Radix

Thursday, August 25, 2005

[Your Name Here. Only $299.95]

Hello! Day 2 I think (no this is not Big Brother!). Had some feedback from wife - thinks my name is nerdy. Apparently wife sister think so too. I thought I explained! The problem is that I could not think of anything interesting. I could have been boring and used my initials (no offence to JJ ;) In fact I tried! Kept giving me error messages when I tried "User Name in use, stop being so un-original!". I don't have a nick-name I could use (none that I want to share anyway). I had thought of a cunning trick using some symbols instead of letters. So you would have gotten somethin' like ЯаДїא, 'cept it would be my initials. Problem is that it would probably not work on some browsers or something, or maybe even crash your 'puter if you have a mac! I suppose I could have been CS45214524_4412, maybe no-one would have taken that one!What the hell would you have me be called anyway? Probably something stupid like little green monkey or cutesy like Kitty or some crap like that! Though stripey rat might be a good one :p

Nothing really annoyed me at work yesterday, no-one asked me to help them find a book, though you hear some interesting stories from the librarians.

"Can you help me find a book? I saw someone reading it when I was on vacation last year and it looked interesting"

"Certainly Madam, do you know the author?"

"dunno, it's a green book...Had red letters on it..."

"Oh, err...do you happen to know what the book it about?"

"Think it was something to do with this woman and this guy or something, guy's name began with a' P', maybe a 'D' "

Or the most recent:

"'scuse me, could you get some books for me"

"Sure, which ones?"

" Well, I am not sure, I returned them by mistake about ten minutes ago, then I realized I hadn't read any of them"

Aaah, working around the great unwashed public, what a joy!

-Radix (aka: little green monkey)

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

[Amusing, witty title here]

Welcome to my first blog! Apologies in advance for the illiterate, rambling nature of this post, I am in need of some caffeine and am new to this blog thingie. To begin, I considered posting pictures of myself in my work attire, but was cautioned against it... http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/technology/3955913.stm

About the name: radix is latin for ‘base’ as in number base. It’s sad, I know! My defen(s)(c)e is that I could not think of anything else that someone had not already nabbed. I suppose this page could technically be called hexadecimal, I would explain, but then you would fall asleep or call me names, or, if you are like my friend Bob – you would do both! I thought I would mention the name because a google search may result in something funny to do with psychology of stored emotions in muscles or something. Oh well, it’s not as bad as googling ‘jj sac’ ;)

Well, back to school! New books, new classes, new things to piss me off! Actually, this week has gone quite well so far, all my classes have been in the rooms they were supposed to be in and all the instructors seem to know who I am. This has saved me the embarrassment of being the guy who sits down, unpacks a notebook, three pencils, a pen and perhaps even a calculator - only to have to grab the lot and dash out of the hall as soon as the prof’ welcomes us to Nursing 1100. I have been spending some time in the library as of late and a very nice library it is too. The difficulty I have when I go to find a computer is that at certain times of the day all the computers are being used, usually by idiot freshmen emailing their mates about a guy who knows a guy whose brother can maybe score them a can of Bud. Of course this is very frustrating to serious, academically minded souls like me who need access to a computer in order to do homework or write blogs. In order to get a computer in the library at peak times there are three strategies one can follow:

1) Go upstairs to find the computers dotted in random corridors that no-one knows about. The best chances are to be had with the ones close to stairs - this is America after all!

2) Pace up and down the library past the rows of PCs by the window, then circle round and round one of the cluster, making sure to look left, right, left right...In the hope of finding a free machine. You will find that you are joined in this pursuit by ten of your fellow students, at which point an air of competition descends, and certain strategies come into play. The trick is to look round corners and further ahead than everyone else, also remember at the clusters you need not circle around- you can count the tops of people's heads in order to find a vacant 'puter. You must do all of this for about ten minutes after which you are either successful, or you admit defeat. Should you fail then you must do the same little search again, this time for a comfy chair with a footrest, as far away as possible from any hairy-legged, unwashed, flip-flop sporting frat boys. Speaking of frat people, what’s with this whole Greek thing anyway? Does anyone know any Greek people (I mean people hailing from the land of Greece, Grecians???) who find this odd? Has anyone checked what the letters mean in translation? Are there people out there inadvertently walking around with sporting a yellow T-shirt some rude word? Even if this is not the case, would anyone think they had better lay off the drugs if they saw a bunch of people walking round with shirts saying ‘A’ or ‘P’ or something? Anyway, back to finding a computer- strategy number three if I am not mistaken…

3) Sit within striking distance of the clusters and wait until someone starts to pack up their stuff. Then you must leap out of your seat and stand real close to them in order to nab their 'puter. You can amuse yourself during the wait by watching the other students wheeling around and around the library looking for a free machine. Some days it's quite poetic, like some kind of dance really. They seem to lock into a strange kind of synchronicity and you see the same people come around again every few minutes. They also can look like a bunch of buzzards circling road kill. I'll leave the reader to choose their own simile (smiles are good too, according to my spellchecker :o) This is my favorite strategy because it makes me feel superior to the fools who must wander in some kind of limbo, hah ahha ahha hah hahahahah! To be honest, it also lets me put my rucksack down, have a rest and read one of my many books!

I seem to have a lot of textbooks this semester and they are all great tomes, and they all weigh a freakin'-ton (3 shitloads or 2.78 metric tonnes)! The problem is that several of my instructors insist we bring the books to class, also, I am often stranded on campus waiting for the next class to start in several hours time and I have to bring my textbooks with me in order to study. The upshot of all this is, I am often forced to carry a rather full looking rucksack using both shoulder straps. What's the problem I hear you cry! Well...there isn't one as such, only I object to walking around campus looking like a ghostbuster! I did try placing one strap over my head and across my chest, after almost choking I decided that looking cool/not like a nerd wasn't worth it. So now I come to campus with my shiny shoes and my smart clothes ('cause I have work after) and a backpack strapped on. I get the impression that everyone can tell that I like math and are secretly castigating me for being a geek or whatever Americans label good-looking, intelligent, mature, hardworking individuals such as myself. I don't care though, because I am usually listening to Dark Tranquility or some heavy shit so I know I'm cool ;) An' if anyone gives me any crap, I know how to put on an accent just like Vinnie Jones in Lock Stock, if that fails I can do a good manic laugh.

Anyway, that's quite enough for now. Might write more later when I can actually think of something interesting to say! Must go to work this evening, might upset me thus leading to further blogs. Might become a bit of a theme here, it seems as though I am only motivated to write by things that piss me off! Don’t expect much in the way of positive, humanistic style thinking here, misanthropy is far more fun! I come from a miserable rainy city known for its miserable bands remember!

Any spelling or grammatical errors in the above text are entirely not my own, and are caused by the sabotaging acts of unknown agents whose only desire is my humiliation. Pin the Tail on the Donkey can indeed be played by one person, all that is required is a word processor of some kind and a large sack of commas.